Unbored

I had an long wait in the middle of nowhere one day and I saw this on the shelves in HMV. The title read How to Drive a Tank… and Other Everyday Tips for the Modern Gentleman. Already I was intrigued, so I opened the hardback cover and looked at the contents:

How to drive a tank.

Handbrake turns… and other naughty driving skills.

Pick locks, safes and chastity belts

How to get a gun in any city in the world in the next few hours

How to hire a Hitman

The best sex she’s ever had – keep her coming back

I bought it on the spot, leaving the tenner on the shelf and running out of the store, book in hand and giggling like a schoolgirl.

The book goes through the bare essentials of many skills a man should have. (It turns out driving a tank is surprisingly easy, which is why they apparently often get stolen.) And stories about the many escapades of the author, Frank Coles. A man who I increasingly found myself equating to the ‘most interesting man in the world’ from the Dos Equis adverts. And many chapters with advice on difficult subjects like business, fatherhood and depression. Many of these pieces of advice are things you may have heard before, but many times you hear them so often but rarely actually know them.

Frank’s writing is funny, fascinating and informative. You will read the whole thing from start to finish and feel that you’ve seriously learned something by the time you’ve reached the end.

Some of the dodgier bits of the book like how to get a gun or bury a dead body are actually only skimmed over with basic tips like ‘Go to one of those pubs you’d normally never go near and start talking to that scary bastard sitting in the corner.’ which is not exactly an easy step-by-step guide to arming myself. But if it actually had done that, it would have been very difficult to publish, so I guess I can accept that.

There is also the fact that the book seems to jump from subject to subject extremely quickly. On the one hand this keeps things interesting by taking you to new places all the time, but it also sometimes feels like it lacks detail. Like when you’re riveted by the section on how to negotiate and suddenly it jumps to how to deal with office politics. It can lead to a feeling of disappointment that you’re not learning about haggling any more… but that said, this book was the one that showed you that you were so interested by something in the first place, and Frank often mentions other books to check out if you want more detail.

Every single young man should read this book for several reasons. Firstly, knowing things like how to hot-wire a car or pick a lock should be skills in the hands of honest men as well as the unsavoury, and seeing the sheer mass of stuff that Frank Coles has done should give you the drive to go out and make yourself a little more interesting.

The sheer weight of knowledge in this book will leave you feeling more prepared for being a modern gentleman. And if there’s anything the world needs more of, it’s gentlemen.

If you like books that teach you something fun, then this is the book for you. If you’ve been wondering what to do with your life, then this is the book for you. If you’re in possession of a pair of testicles and aren’t sure if you’re putting them to good use, then this is the book for you!