So Apple have been leaving their little hints that they’re going to unveil something revolutionary.
Today we finally found out what it was. Apple are selling half a laptop!
The BBC are in on the action here as well.
Let’s go through this shall we?
1. It’s like an iPhone you can’t fit in your pocket, or use as a phone.
The iPhone is small, fiddly and so expensively delicate you’d be concerned about using it to call a cab at night or take it rock climbing. The iPad manages to alleviate this by… being bigger and easier to break. Seriously, that thing looks like you could break it over your knee. Don’t tell me you’d be comfortable putting that in your bag.
2. You get all the wonders of a laptop, without the keyboard.
Ever the optimist, Steve Jobs, head of apple and man who thinks it’s okay to park in disabled spaces proclaims that the iPad keyboard is ‘Almost the size of a full keyboard!’ as if it wasn’t taking up three quarters of the screen and required you to jab ineffectually at the thing to get anything done because it doesn’t have any real buttons or anywhere to put your wrists, or anywhere to hold it without accidentally touching the screen… Jobs says ‘This is so much better than using a Laptop, you have the whole internet at your fingers.’ as if scrolling the page with your fingers was somehow an improvement.
3. It can play videos and go on the internet.
As long as you’re somewhere that has WiFi. Or you can pay out the nose for a 3G connection so you can be mugged on the bus while you watch youtube videos of dancing cats. But hey, it could be worse, it could be a PC that can’t play games… Oh wait.
4. It costs more than a laptop with all the same abilities.
Why? Because it’s Apple! They used to have a name for good computers under professional applications. But ever since the iPod they’ve become a brand name for people with more money than Tech Savvy (which is a pity, because graphic designers and multimedia types actually have a real use for them). I’m pretty sure that at this point Apple are mocking these people, seeing how far they can really take this ridiculous situation.
Hell, you can buy an APPLE LAPTOP that still does more than this!
5. Other companies are already in on the act.
Microsoft have unveiled not one but Three of their own tablet PC options. Well, not Microsoft, three other companies have made them with Windows 7. You know what that means? Competition! If you don’t want to pay a ludicrous amount for a ludicrous machine, you can buy one of these instead!
Before this starts to look I’m just against Apple on principle, I should say that Tablet PC’s are unbelievably stupid whoever makes them, it’s just the people who think it will be better because it’s made by Apple are even more stupid.
This situation has truly reached it’s nadir. I mean, if I was going to make a video taking the piss out of Apple, it would have been almost exactly like this. When the unveiling declares that you can change the desktop wallpaper and hold it upside down in your hands in the same way that you’d say it gave you ice cream and hugs by Email… There’s really nowhere else you can go is there?
